Author: weirdwordsofjoeljenkins

I Can’t Make Spottle From Jaw

Spottle from Jaw 600x307.jpg

The Martian rat, the skelk, has teeth that continuously regrow if they are lost. The detritus of these teeth, which can often be found in skelk burrows or nests, is called spottle. When someone says they ‘can’t make spottle from jaw’ it means they can’t discern between the jaw and the spottle, or can’t make any sense of what they are referring to.



Should it Come to Swords

Should it Come to Swords 600x509.jpg

One ancestor of the Pesh Clan, Favrona Pesh, was told that because of the great debt her spend-thrift husband had inflicted upon the family, that her home would be forfeit and her five companion wives and eighteen children would be thrown to the streets.

She said that she would endeavor to see every penny of that debt paid even if she should have to sew skelk furs together to make cloaks to sell at the market, but that if anyone came for her home it would “come to swords”.

After praying for guidance she felt she should go glean the mushroom mines. Though this was unlikely to provide more than a meal or two for her family, and would nothing do in the way to compensate the man they owed a debt, she followed the prompting. While she was gleaning she found an emerald in the earth.

Elated to be able to pay what her family owed, she approached a money changer and was paid in gold. She separated the amount she owed, but when she went to pay her debt she found her home had been repossessed and her family tossed out. She paid the lender who still refused to relinquish her home, so she took up the Pesh family sword and slew seven men before the lender finally returned her home.

Favrona Pesh put her husband on a strict budget, invested her remaining gold in an oil sump and was able to support the family off the dividends. Local lenders refused to extend any more credit to Favrona’s husband when she personally visited each of them and warned them they would never receive one penny of the money they lent.


Immortals of the Dire Planet

Immortals Front Cover.jpg

The last bastion of freedom on Mars is about to fall…undermined by enemies within: a secret sisterhood of assassins and the fugitive remnants of the Yellow League–rogue Technopriests with the secret of immortality–who are returning with ancient weapons of unimaginable power, and vengeance in their cold, cold hearts.

Only an astronaut from future Earth and a motley alliance of Martian female warriors stand in their way.

Book 7 in the Dire Planet series is now available at in print and Kindle formats.

Are You Ready to Sell Your Life for a Carrion Eater’s Gizzard‽

Are you ready to sell your life for a carrion eater’s gizzard 600x571.jpg

This phrase indicates that they will be slain and be eaten by one of the many beasts of Mars who feed upon carrion. Most notably, this turn of tongue originated when the warrior Bilba Noss used it in a speech prior to going to war with the Chenjari Tribe, when her pitiful force was outnumbered twenty to one.

Bilba, who was renowned for her willowy beauty and callipygian figure, first fooled the Chenjari Chieftess into thinking she would betray her forces into her hands but instead launched a trap which slew many Chenjari.

All the Muvari were eventually slain, but when the battle was over the Chenjari had been decimated. A third rival tribe, the Fejuvisi, seeing the weakness of the Chenjari fell upon them and made them slaves. The Chenjari Tribe is now extinct, however their bloodline has now intermingled with that of the Fejuvisi.


Sar Savaht’s Gauntlet

Sar Savaht's Gauntlet 600x438.jpg

This is an ancient piece of technology which Sar Savaht recovered, repaired, and used to replace his missing left hand, which was burned off in an encounter with the artificial intelligence construct, Sved (later reprogrammed to become Svedra).

When originally discovered, this ancient artifact was malfunctioning and though it lent the user great strength it also sapped the life forces of the wearer, so prolonged use or intense use would age or even kill the wearer.

Sar Savaht was able to repair the gauntlet so that it fed off internal power sources rather than the energies of the person wearing it.